


Count to ten.

by Memaboo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crying, Other, Social Anxiety, just a lot of crying tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 11:58:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3409718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memaboo/pseuds/Memaboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing felt right when he was with Nishinoya, but it didn't feel wrong either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Count to ten.

Asahi swallowed, his face crimson as he did his best to count to ten for what felt like the hundredth time. He wanted so bad to run away at this moment, to jump off the bed and just sprint to the street for some air. The entire room felt like a vacuum to him right now. He hated himself for being so nervous about this, so silly and needlessly childish.

Nishinoya wouldn’t run away, they were tucked comfortably against Asahi, their breath slow. Maybe they fell asleep. Asahi could sneak away, regain himself, and build up from the ground again after having his walls completely demolished by the libero. He knew for a fact he could get up and run, go as far away as he needed. He could take 5 minutes or even 5 hours to get back some sense of normality. Yet at the same time he couldn’t, he was pretty much shaking with fear of all the things he could do wrong. His mind was screaming run: but his heart made him stay. 

He swallowed once again. It was weird, he couldn’t put his finger on what made it weird though. Looking up to the ceiling Asahi watched the swirls, counted the glow in the dark stars Noya had stuck up there and thought about what that mysterious stain was. He’d seen this ceiling so many times, it should have grounded him yet it didn’t. His entire world had been turned upside down in the last week and he could do nothing about it.

Clenching his eyes shut he started counting to ten again, feeling his pulse quicken. Nothing felt right when he was with Nishinoya, but it didn’t feel wrong either. Everything was just too different and sudden for Asahi to analyse it. He was constantly stuck in a state of fight or flight, yet his body could never agree with what to do. That’s why he was here right now. 

His arm was going dead. He glanced at the bedside table and saw it had only been 10 minutes since they started laying like this. He almost groaned. It wasn’t that he hated human contact, just that he had no real idea of how to cope with it. Nishinoya made him feel weird, happy but more nervous than ever. It was like being smothered, but at the same time he welcomed the feeling.

Of course Nishinoya didn’t fix him: that would be impossible. A small whine found its way out of Asahi’s throat and he flinched a little, looking down to the smaller person with a constant worry of waking them. When it didn’t happen he let his head fall back again. This was too much. He couldn’t deal with this for much longer.

He started counting to ten again. 

He knew he had to tough through this for Nishinoya. The younger player had went out of their way to confess to Asahi, going as far to take it slowly and give him a moment to adjust to the news. The next day Nishinoya even complimented his plays more, walked with him more, and ate lunch with him more. There was even so, so much more that they had done for Asahi.

His stomach churned as the guilt set in. He could never do any of that for Nishinoya. He was just useless, nervous about everything and never gave back. Asahi’s bottom lip started quivering. God, he was such a baby. He could never treat Nishinoya right; he could never give them all the respect and love they deserved. He would never be the man that Nishinoya thought he was, and it hurt when he admitted it. Letting out a small sniffle he moved the arm that Nishinoya wasn’t laying on and placed it over his own eyes. 

This was pathetic, he was out of his comfort zone and crying. 

He was about to count to ten again, but he felt the weight on his arm shift. Small, gentle hands moved his makeshift blindfold from over his eyes. Nishinoya was glaring at him. Shit. He’d really messed up now. Tears started falling down his cheeks at an alarming rate, and he couldn’t stop them. As this happened Nishinoya just stayed there, staring, and Asahi had no idea what to do. 

He wanted to leave now more than ever. They had barely been dating a week and now he was giving Nishinoya another job, another thing to take care of, another thing to give and never take back. 

The tears just fell harder and harder, he covered his face with both hands and let out a small whimper when he felt Nishinoya get off the bed. He knew they’d leave. No one would want him anyway, he bet Nishinoya was regretting everything and leaving to find someone better. 

Completely wallowing in self-hatred Asahi only noticed Nishinoya when his head was lifted and placed back down. When he moved his hands he realised that his head was in Nishinoya’s lap. A bundle of tissues was offered to him which just made him cry harder. He accepted them and tried to remove all evidence of tears as nimble hands started to run through his hair. They carefully pulled out any knots that had occurred and were accompanied by sweet whispers and reassurances. 

Asahi cried harder.

“You really do think too much, you know.” The voice was quiet, missing its usual enthuastic tone. 

Another whimper shook through Asahi’s body, his chest started to feel tight. Not only had he just laid there crying but now he was about to have a panic attack. One of the calloused hands from his datefriend moved and took Asahi’s own, working small circles into the tanned skin.

“It’s ok, just take deep breaths. I’m here for you Asahi. I love you.”

He knew he didn’t deserve those three words, he just sniffed stubbornly and glanced to the wall on his left. He counted the bumps and bubbles of paint he could see in the dim room, noted the small hole that he and Nishinoya had tried so hard to hide from his parents, and looked over the pictures taped to the wall with fondness as he tried to relive the memories. 

“There, it’s alright.” He felt a kiss placed gently to his forehead and winced a little, knowing he didn’t deserve that either. 

He sat up, shifting himself so instead of being in Nishinoya’s lap he was to their side. His knees were pulled up to his chest and he avoided looking into the eyes that searched his entire body. 

“I’m sorry.” The words fell from his mouth, he didn’t want them to. Now he probably just made Nishinoya feel bad. He clenched his eyes shut again, this time as hard as possible so he could see white. They stayed like that for a few seconds, then he felt a strong punch against him arm.

Letting out a yelp he turned to see a smirking Nishinoya. The look on his datefriend’s face made him smile a little too, it was involuntary but Nishinoya’s smiles were just contagious.

“You can be a real idiot sometimes, Asahi.” A chuckle left Nishinoya’s mouth as Asahi turned a deep shade of crimson. “But you’re my favourite idiot.”

Nishinoya once again took Asahi’s hand, this time squeezing it as tight as they could, making the other flinch.

“You can freak out if you need to, Asahi! No one is happy all the time.” Nishinoya had enthusiasm pretty much leaking from them again, but then their face went serious. “I love you. No matter what you think I love you Asahi, and that will never change.”

**Author's Note:**

> anxietys a bitch tbh asahi  
> also nishinoya is actually agender 100% canon so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> o and if u hav any fic ideas like tell me this is my first one after 3 years of not touching fandom stuff and i am just. i want to Write


End file.
